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It was 2013 when I was diagnosed with cirrhosis. I continued drinking after knowing that. In 2016 I landed myself in the hospital where they had to bypass my liver with a tip. On that day I swore off alcohol for good. My husband, on the other hand, continued drinking and hiding a secret of heroin addiction. Our 10-year-old son brought it to my attention.
He had noticed his dad and a friend smoking off a foil. Of course, my first thought was no way. I knew my husband so well. always a good worker, always lending a helping hand and a great husband and father. He denied the situation and said our son must have seen something else. I noticed changes like sleeping a lot, not wanting to go out and making strange excuses to leave the house for a few hours at a time.
Read more: My Addiction Journey
He was still working and putting up such a great front. One day I found needles and heroin. This is when my nightmare began. Lies after lies, putting the blame on me; I bitched too much, all I wanted was money, and always in his business. I found pawn tickets, he would pawn tools, so I would not see it is missing from our account then turn the heroin into money to pay the pawn.
At this point, I knew what was going on. Our marriage started to fall apart. He pulled out his annuities in 2016 so that he could go to a rehabilitation center and get his life straight. You see this is what addicts do. They will say and do anything, so you will believe in them. He left rehab after one week claiming he did not need it. He would do this with my help. Again, I fell into his lie trap. All the money is gone and yes, he was still on heroin. Only now more than ever.
Read more: Addiction is Ruining a Person I Love
Tracks filled his body and the tracks of my tears began to show too. He went back to work. We never fell behind but we were very close. Some of the immediate family knew what was going on including our son. In 2018 there was no end. He needed the drugs and alcohol more than he loved us. I should have let him go you might say but my love for him was still there.
I purchased Narcan just in case, He made promises after promises. told lie after lie. God has helped me maintain my sobriety as well as my sanity. I know that this is no longer the man I married. For me quitting was not an option. I love my family and would do anything in the world for them. I see him now covered from chest to ankles in tracks and bruises. It saddens me, and I wonder after a shower, does he see what I see? How could he continue to destroy God’s precious gift? June 2018, he has started seeing a doctor. He is prescribed Suboxone. But I know he has the doctor right where he wants him. Remember he is a great liar. This drug also has a street value.
Read more: Dear Addiction: A Poem to Addiction
I am going to be ok. and if he wants, he will be too. I give my thanks to a group called Naranon. this is somewhat of a family who gets together to lend an ear, to share a story and just to let us know that we are not alone. I will share a verse I try to live by that I learned at Naranon. “I did not cause it, I cannot cure it but I can contribute to it, and how we contribute should be in a constructive way”. Let’s stop being enablers. Let’s stand together and fight this addiction.