Do you suffer from BPD? Are social media affecting your life? Comment below to show your support.
My Borderline Personality Disorder makes it hard for me to enjoy things like Facebook or social media.
I don’t know simple things like who I am or how I want to portray myself to the world. I have many identities and my BPD can cause my feelings about anything to change in an instant.
My feelings on everything are amplified so I can love something with all my heart and then not care about it or hate it passionately the next which I’m sure is baffling to most people.
Unlike most people who have a set style that is suited to their personal identity, my “look” is different in almost every picture I post. From my hair, (which I sometimes shave or dye or try different wigs on) to the styles of clothes I wear (which go from girly to goth and everything in-between). People don’t know how to label me.
I am also ultra sensitive to the criticism and jokes people make when they don’t know or understand about my BPD, which can secretly send me over the edge. (Yes, I mean suicidal). If people completely ignore my posts, I start to wonder why I try, when it’s obvious nobody takes an interest in me or my interests, not even my friends or family.
A lot of times I will post something, wonder what certain people on my friend’s list might think of it, then quickly delete it in fear of their making a judgment that makes them dislike me.
Read more: Life with Borderline Personality Disorder
I know people just think I’m crazy or at best eccentric. What I really am is traumatized and I wish people could be more sensitive to that. I spend my time trying to avoid social situations and people because of the fear and shame it makes me feel but the side effect is feeling empty and left out.
I wish I knew what it was like to know who you are and what you want to do with the rest of your life or just next month. I never even know if I can make it thru the next day without an existential breakdown.