How would you explain BPT Splitting? Tell us in the Comments!
Splitting is known as black and white thinking. A good description since it causes me to only see good or bad with no in-between shades of gray.
Splitting is almost exclusively a symptom of BPD. Various doctors have the theory that this symptom is a coping mechanism to deal with early childhood trauma/abuse.
It starts with the child being unable to hold an image of an adult who both cares and abuses them. Children don’t possess the skills, or ability to separate themselves from the adults’ immoral actions. The mixed messages from those who are supposed to provide love, comfort, and safety creates major struggles. We learn to “split” the person into 2 people who are either all good or all bad.
However, this symptom has lasting effects when we grow up and start trying to achieve healthy relationships because we are mentally still trying to cope two people into one. One will be someone you love and adore (idealism), and the other is a person you can’t stand “Devaluation” but they are both the same person.
When I have a bad split I see everything wrong that person ever did (even if it has nothing to do with me) and I hate them for it.
But when I split the “other way” I love the person so much, I would do anything for them and don’t see any faults because they’re just perfect in my eyes.
When I split, it can cause a (blackout) rage episode. I hate everything. I do a ton of hurtful and self-harming things I can’t control and it’s hard to remember what I did. I hate everything. Everything feels wrong or bad. I’m yelling obscene/hurtful things, throwing and destroying things and I have no mercy for anyone.
However, within hours or days, I am back to idealizing and worshipping them.
Read More: Trying to Keep My BPD Under Control
It’s frustrating because I don’t know which feeling is “real”.
It could be almost anything that triggers my splitting. My spouse/FP and I have been slowly finding and avoiding my triggers, but its trial by error process
I don’t split on everyone or even most people. Some people I love no matter what, even though I split with them (like, my FP and certain family members). Some people I hate no matter what (my abusers). I will never forgive them and it’s not even a choice. My mind will not ever forgive them.
Read More: Life with Borderline Personality Disorder
I can also split on some things, whether it be an object or situation.
First, I see only the benefits and then when the situation is not as well as I expected, I quickly forsake or condemn the subject and myself. I feel ashamed of myself for failing or abandoning something I put money into.
Money problems are a big trigger for me as someone who was homeless most of my life. I always assume it could happen again.
Splitting is not a pretty sight, but it’s something almost all of us with BPD have to deal with. I think it’s important for us to know about this symptom so we and our loved ones can best identify and avoid/eliminate our triggers.