Did you know that OCD cannot be cured, but it Can Be Controlled very efficiently? Share and Comment to show your Support!
I have been suffering from OCD and depression since I was 10. I haven’t been medicated for this. No one knew what was wrong with me. When I had my first panic attack, people thought I was crazy. Even I thought I was because I didn’t know why I had raising thought, tight chest, dizziness, I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was having a heart attack and I told my family. They said I was being dramatic and to go back to play with my toys.
I was so frustrated because I didn’t know what was going on. Well, in time those symptoms went away. Then, when I was 14 I remember having obsessive thoughts, anxiety again and performing rituals here and there. I was trying to focus on thinking positive and keeping those thoughts away from my mind by doing distraction and it worked. I was good again, living a happy life but sadly didn’t last. When I was about 15, the thoughts, rituals, anxiety and panic attacks returned. I was obsessed about needle because one day I don’t know how exactly but a needle got stuck in my head. I pulled it out but then I had all these new thoughts coming like what if I didn’t pull it out, what if it was still there, am I going to die, should I tell my family or go to the hospital.
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They kept coming over and over and the anxiety and panic were so strong that I needed to do the rituals. My rituals were trying to remember everything I did when the event happened, trying to fix all my thoughts, checking my head, getting scan and X-ray done in my head. I knew something was wrong with me because I looked at other people they don’t get obsessed with things, they move on, they don’t have anxiety or panic or depression. I tried really hard to move on. My thoughts, anxiety, depression faded away.
When I was 16, again I was obsessed, this time with mice. I was worried about getting sick because there were mice at my grandma’s house. I would spend 5 hours washing my hands and looking for signs of mice pee or something else in my food. It was horrible. I have never had help from no one. They just thought I was crazy and couldn’t handle being around me. I was feeling even more depressed knowing that everyone knew that something is wrong with me. I knew it but I didn’t know what was wrong, so in 2010 I came to the United States from the Dominican Republic. I decided that I had to stop washing my hands and doing rituals I pushed through the anxiety and depression and did move on.
Read more: OCD and Anxiety – Two Best Friends
I was recovered from OCD from April 2010 to June 2012. Sadly, my OCD, depression, and panic came back. I couldn’t control them like I used to. It was way too strong, I thought it was the end for me. One day, I will die of a heart attack having panic and anxiety. Every day my depression was so bad, I couldn’t get out of bed and I lost a lot of weight. Well, I was suffering from OCD again from 2012 to 2016. In 2016 I decided that even though I have never been on medication for this, I have to be available to overcome this so I went to therapy exposure and prevention for OCD.
Thank God and my hard work of sitting with the thoughts and anxiety, my last panic attack was in February 2017 – one year ago. I overcame panic attacks, my depression is not so bad like it used to be. I still have thoughts and a little bit of anxiety here and there, but I just keep doing what I been doing and I know how to just let my thoughts come and go with doing rituals. Just let the anxiety come and go. I want to keep recovering. Every day I wake up saying I don’t have time for anxiety panic or depression, I just focus on being happy every day, don’t matter what thoughts come to my mind, don’t matter anxieties or depression, I just focus on the love coming. This is hard, really hard. I didn’t have a good childhood, a lot of bad things have happened to me. Life is even harder when you don’t have support from anyone. I know life can be horrible, but do you want to change that or you want to keep living a horrible life? I have decided to be happy no matter what.