Up and Then Down

As time goes by, you have moments of happiness and elation. Even in those moments, you may have a moment where you feel down. You look at your situation, your life, your surroundings and you rationalize you have no reason to feel sad, yet you still do. You feel you have no control over your emotional state. You look at the brighter side of things, you continue to put yourself out there, you do the things you love yet you still feel down. You beat yourself up because you tell yourself you have no reason or any right to feel this way. It becomes a never ending cycle of overthinking and forcing yourself to get out of this state. No matter how much you try, it just doesn’t cease. You crawl into your bubble. You maintain distance from everyone as to not affect them with your emotional state. Your battle is exhausting yet you still consider others around you. You don’t want to or you just can’t find the words to explain what you are going through. Isolation may never be the answer but, it is where you feel you have some control. You develop coping mechanisms as best you can and always fall back on those to climb out of that darkness. Sometimes it takes a short amount of time, sometimes it takes longer. You feel you are in a suspended state as life continues to move along around you yet you are locked in your mental prison. As your thoughts become darker and darker, your wish to step into the light gets stronger and stronger. Then you just give in to your emotional state until you are completely physically drained. Then just like that, you begin to crawl out of your bubble slowly. You begin to pick up where you left off. Then all of a sudden your are back to a state where you feel your are completely functional. You step out of your bubble and pick life back up where you had left it. That low is just hanging back for a while waiting for the next opportunity to reveal itself again. And so the cycle begins all over again. Up and then down.