My Story Having Paranoid Schizophrenia


Hi, I’m Matthew. Around 17, I believe even before that age, I was talking strange and thought that things were out to get me. There were times when I went through from crying in a ball to just keeping on moving like biking or walking but when I get back home after dark, then my worries start again.

Several times I saw a big figure standing in my bedroom. I was too frightened that I passed out straight away. I never talked to it although I feel like I’m being looked after by something. I called the figure black shadow. It came to point where I was talking about situations which didn’t make sense.

I did lose control. A day after my 18th birthday, I was confined for 4 weeks in the hospital. I hated it especially the medication that I never took. I threw away the medications out window and it came to a point where I had to be put on injection. I had to get a grip to try it.

I got out of the hospital but things certainly became strange with family and friends. But I was happy to be back with them. Several years passed, I was feeling better and never missed my medications, so I ended up taking myself of the medications. But I was back on that bike or walking far because I was scared at home. I had lots of issues talking about problems and what’s happening around me. I felt the shadow was bullying me in end. I came to terms with myself and had to get help again. Thankfully, they helped me out and I slept for 2 days straight. I became at peace for getting the help I didn’t think I needed.

When I got out, I started to grow vegetables and fruits. I’m on my 10th year now.

I’m so proud of what I overcame in life. My advice is to please remember to chat with someone about what you see or situations so that at least someone is aware.

I’m 35 now and I told myself to sort myself out when I was around 19. Life’s quiet at moment and I am glad that I have a roof over my head and things I needed. I am grateful to share my story to those who may have not experienced the same.

Here’s a few photos of my vegetables and fruits.