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Battling bipolar has been an adventure. I have never really been able to finish very much of anything I have started in life. My mind is always racing. I start something positive like college and do really well. I get all excited, eager to learn and make good grades, then l get in a relationship and focus on that, get in an argument with him, get depressed, and it’s the end of the world so I can’t eat. I sleep, the school gets put on the back burner, and I end up quitting school and my relationship.
Read more: Bipolar Sent me to Jail
Then the only thing that makes me feel better is spending money, so I go on shopping sprees, feel better, spend lots of money, go home and eat a lot and sleep good. Then, if I get angry I get so mad I’m ready to kill myself and everybody who made me mad. I have been to jail for assault so many times. I even went to jail for aggravated assault one time – I told the police officer that I was going to kill him. I almost didn’t get out of that, but the guy felt sorry for me and signed papers saying that I didn’t just try to kill him with a hammer and I got away with that. True story.
The downs of bipolar have caused me severe depression either causing me to sleep all the time or go days without sleep. It’s caused me to battle weight issues almost all of my adult life because when I’m depressed, I don’t eat for days and then when I feel better I eat a lot, therefore I am never the right size. Then the OCD has caused my kids to hate me because I’ve woke them out of sleep in the middle of the night, threw everything out of their dresser drawers in a rage because they didn’t fold their clothes and organize them as I told them to.
Read more: Bipolar and Depressed
I have thrown my own glass dishes out of the door to break because I was so angry at someone for not rinsing them off before putting them in the sink, because everyone knows I do not like dishes with food on them in my sink, even if you do not wash them at least rinse them off until I wash them. Those are just some of the examples of my bipolar experiences. It’s always a roller coaster. Friends and family often have to walk on eggshells because they do not know what my next temperament will be.