Why am I here?

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What was your first Reaction when you got your Diagnosis? Share to Raise Awareness!

I’m very close to my 39th Birthday. For most of those years, I’ve been a very depressed and anxious person. For the longest time, I attributed that to bullying. I was picked on all through school, every day, for something minor that I couldn’t control. It’s essentially 13 years of emotional abuse. It left me keeping everything to myself, scared to interact with people and believing that I’m not good enough for anything.

The added salt on the wound was working retail as a kid. There are not options for a first job that’s not working with people. Already quiet and scared of people, working with the public was torture. People are downright cruel, so I blamed all of this on the worthlessness I feel today.

Read more: The Struggle of a Wife

Fast forward to last fall when I started with my current therapist. After running through what I thought caused my depression, she decided to ask about other factors to get a better idea of things. She asked about relationships with people in my life and whatnot. Then she asked how discipline was handled growing up. We were spanked, it was the eighties, still fairly common. She had me go into more detail on when, why, how, etc.

Her conclusion was basically that it was excessive, too often, and unwarranted at times. She said that bullying was a big factor, but home life was a bigger factor that I always wrote off to be being a different time. It was emotional and physical abuse having in plain sight.

So, here I am, feeling down on myself, assuming I’m always the screwup, I’m always wrong, I hate leaving the house and going out, and tons of other issues. I’ll gladly delve into more if anyone out there is interested.

What was your first Reaction when you got your Diagnosis? Share to Raise Awareness!