Such a Hard Life But I Am Still Fighting


How do you struggle with PTSD? Share to show your Support! 

well, I have heard that dogs can help people with depression, but I have never heard that a cat could do the same thing. When I got my last cat, I realized she stays by my side no matter what. She started waking me up when I have a bad dream which really shocked me. Not only that but she is also nudging me every single time right before a seizure. She knows when I am going to have one before I do. It really blew my mind that she can do that, so I guess I have a service cat.

Read more: Feeling Like An Outsider

I’ve had seizures since I was in elementary school and it is not because of epilepsy. It is because of brain damage. I had every bone on the left side of my body broken. The bone in my leg completely came through the skin. It was all done at one time when I was two weeks old. I was brutally beaten and raped by my grandfather’s sister and her husband. They did the same thing to one of her children. That child was a vegetable afterward. I had human bite marks and dog bites from head to toe. My shoulder and my hip were shattered. It was just kind of a mark on how the rest of my life was going to be.

I guess God just didn’t like me very much. I know my family didn’t obviously. Everybody said I was the lucky one because I can walk and talk afterward, but I thought the other kid was the lucky one because I never wanted to deal with another person ever again. I had arthritis by the time I was in Middle School. I couldn’t walk right until I was in 6th grade. It was so hard to walk so I had to take tap and ballet. Even now to this day, it’s painful for me to walk.

Read more: Facing my Reality

Closeup portrait of kidI have memory loss now.  As many times as I keep falling and hitting my head the more and more memory I lose. I don’t know any holiday dates except the Fourth of July.  This is how the seizures have affected me along with the abuse and depression. I am the first female ever to be diagnosed with Shell Shock back when I was little. Now it’s called PTSD.

All of his has affected me very negatively. I have almost become a hoarder because when my children left home it was so empty that I could not stand it. This is why I filled the rooms with things. It is hard, but I’m trying and I’m taking it one day at a time. I have been walked on, stomped on, kicked around and absolutely nobody was there for me. I wish I had someone out there just to help me a little and not bring me down. I trust people too much and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I keep trying and keep fighting day after day.

How do you struggle with PTSD? Share to show your Support!