PTSD

I am a victim of circumstance. I have gotten into a really bad automobile accident 10 years ago. I suffer from a TBI which is a traumatic brain injury and extreme PTSD along with really bad various physical injuries.

I thank God for blessing me with my son, said that it happened out of a horrible time in my life. I had two abortions that I am not proud of, 5 months after having my son and about a year after.

A few years ago, something really bad and traumatic happened to me. I was walking in the street on my way home and I remember a guy walking by me. He was hiding behind my shoulder. When I looked around, I was inside a circle of 5 guys. I was terrified. The reason they attacked me is that I am gay.

Two weeks after that my ex-boyfriend beat my head in so bad my eyes were black and blue for 4 months and he beat my son too. It was the last time. Now it's going to be a year away from him and I still have nightmares. I wish I was dead with my dad every day, so I don't have to live with the PTSD.

And a miracle happened, I was finally set free. I had finally accepted my illness. I allowed myself to be miserable, and boy did I show it. Now I am in stage 4 of depression and moving into stage 5.

I stopped with the CPR and looked at my dad’s eyes, fixed and dilated. I tried to feel his pulse, but there was none. It was the most BEAUTIFUL/HORRIFYING moment of my whole life. I went through the motions for three months and don’t remember ONE DAY! Then the depression, anxiety, and PTSD set in.

I hope my story might help someone else realize that just because you are a strong masculine manly man and a hard-charging soldier that you are not immune to being raped and the shame, pain and self-loathing that follows.

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