Anxiety

I was officially diagnosed with severe Anxiety and Panic Disorder 10 years ago, although I had suffered from both my entire life. This has been a long hard journey. It was filled with medications and hundreds of different doctors to try to help me with my situation. My anxiety has become so bad in the last 3 years. I wasn’t able to hold a job. I lost contact with many friends and I would rather stay home with my dog than going out into the world.

About 3 years ago, I found out I was pregnant. I was excited but I didn't want to get too excited as I knew if you are going to miscarry, it's likely to happen in the first trimester. Thus began the anxiety. About 16 weeks in pregnancy I began to wonder how did anyone enjoy being pregnant. I'd never once heard anyone say anything other than how in love they were with their baby.

I always heard the phrase "I miss the old me" when I was growing up. Well, here I am 41 years old and saying exactly the same phrase. I've been dealing with depression most of my adult life

I always try to fill my kids with positivity. They are full of dreams and very involved in sports and church. The smile on their faces makes everything better. I go to all their games and try to support them and trying to push myself to be the best mom I can be. The battle inside rages on. My family knows about my depression. They have told me to just go to the doctor. They are not very understanding, and they just don’t understand that sometimes pills don’t help. So anyone going through depression and anxiety, keep your head up. This world is hard but we can do it

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When I was a young child, I was sexually abused by my stepdad. My mother did not believe me even when the state took me away and gave custody to my grandparents. She stayed with this man for 2 years after he had been to jail for not only abusing me but two other girls in our neighborhood.

When you mention the word "insomnia" to people, most of them associate it with "not being able to fall asleep", but, it is so much more than that for me. I've been suffering from anxiety for about 6 years, and it has shaped my life regarding my depression, everyday living, and my insomnia.

In my early twenties, I started using harder drugs such as powdered cocaine, pills, and alcohol. That poison took me to some very scary and dark places. Ten years of incarceration, lost loves, lost relationships, material possessions, peace of mind, depression, anxiety, and now at the age of 40 I finally have a clue.