Sexual assault caused my PTSD

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I was sexually assaulted by my biological father after meeting him. It affected my life goals because I ended up pregnant due to the assault. I always wanted to live a “normal” life. I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and anxiety disorder. It’s affected me a lot. I have a lot of triggers, and flashbacks as well. I fear things that I never use to fear. My heart aches a lot, and sometimes I feel that my child will hate me for the situation. I often have to remind myself it’s not my fault that it happened. And I didn’t deserve it.

Read more: I have PTSD Symptoms Since I was Assaulted

It affected my body pretty badly. I have tight pelvic muscles, and sometimes sex can be painful. Sometimes I get random pain in my rectal area and vaginal area as well. I feel very insecure about my body. I want others to know they are not alone. I currently still struggle daily. I was isolated for almost a year straight. No interactions with people. I had to do things the way he wanted it done. At one point I had a knife put to my throat. I thought my life was ending right then and there.

Read more: Reoccurring Trauma Caused Me PTSD

I still get horrible dreams and thoughts in my head. I feel very low, and have trouble making friends. I look at men very negatively. I will never look at men the same again. I feel like the world is out to get me sometimes and feel like everyone is the same. I will never be able to trust someone again fully. One of the people I should have been able to go to when I needed to talk, someone I should have been able to call a parent, proved me wrong. So wrong.
I was ordered to do things a certain way. I got my hands tied with zip ties. I cried often. I felt so gross. I could only shower some days. I still struggle, but I want others to know you’re not alone. You can make it through. You’re worth so much more than what your perpetrator ever has done to you.

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