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I was raped twice in my life. I was a teenager, a girl who doesn’t remember her assault. Instead, an officer took me out of the juvenile cell. I was 16 years old and wondering what I did wrong. I was already behind bars for being kicked out and not having anywhere to go. Little did I know that the officer was there to tell me that I am a victim of rape.
Me? How? I don’t remember this. Wouldn’t I know? I don’t even remember a guy. A friend who didn’t care enough to stick up for me, but instead left me when she saw them (but only one was caught) messing with me while I was passed out on a bed. I was on methamphetamine, to stay awake. I could have prevented that from happening, but it had been two days with no sleep and a 40oz of Colt 45 had me pass out. I don’t remember that night. Those were her friends. I trusted her.
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I did not ask for what was done to me, and I’m so sick of the evil in this world. I’m a victim of rape. I never saw his face until I saw him at court 2011. He was smiling, short, chubby, no remorse for his actions, he just looked like he was having a good time. Jail didn’t faze him. Jail is too good for scum like that. I, the victim, spent weeks in a jail cell. My probation officer Linda Martinez was aware of the rape. She’s the one who took me to the officer. I spent my days on suicidal watch and crying at night. Not allowed to wear underwear or to have sheets. I was treated like a perpetrator. I had to suffer the pain all alone, I wanted my mom, and when I got out I couldn’t bear the pain. I needed something to help me forget. I took a hit of weed and realized that wasn’t going to help me.
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The next day, I was placed back into custody. The law is so corrupted, and my probation officer as well. She didn’t and doesn’t deserve to be a probation officer. I pray that she is no longer one Inshallah (God willing). She knew my pain, yet she did nothing but lock me away. I wrote letters to her and the judge. I’ve been told I have extreme depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I’m not cured of this trauma yet, but inshallah (God willing) I will be. I’ve got a counselor, who believes I can overcome all this without medication! I believe it is true. I will no longer let his actions dictate my life anymore. It’s time to fight to overcome the pain because he probably moved on and I’m still here with the pain that he caused. There is no justice for my soul.
