About 3 years ago, I found out I was pregnant. I was excited but I didn’t want to get too excited as I knew if I was going to miscarry, it’s likely to happen in the first trimester. Thus began the anxiety. About 16 weeks in pregnancy I began to wonder how anyone enjoyed being pregnant. I’d never once heard anyone say anything other than how they were in love with their baby.
I had sore breasts, weird cravings, moodiness, and forgetfulness. I wondered if I was ever going to be myself again. I was grateful to be out of the 1st trimester and we announced our pregnancy with family and friends on April 1st.
Read more: Pregnant at 16 – My Story
In March, I noticed a mild pinching pain straight down my pelvis. As time passed, It progressively got worse. It got to the point I had to sit myself down a certain way, get up very slowly and couldn’t bear to be up on my feet for more than 30 min. At that time I was working as a med-nurse which required at least 2 hours of being on my part without a break. I would go home and cry after work because I was in so much pain.
It carried on like this until I gave birth, but at the 7th month we moved from our town home to a tiny travel trailer and I did about 100% of the packing and 50% of the loading and all of the cleaning. We were up 24 hours straight on the last day finishing up. I particularly remember this because it was the day I’d experienced the most pain.
I enjoyed feeling my baby move and loved seeing him and hearing his heartbeat, but that was it. I absolutely hated being pregnant. The fetus was a parasite in my mind who was making me feel horrible every day.
Read more: I Almost Died while Giving Birth
As much as I felt this, I was also very protective over the developing child. I was diagnosed with Gestational diabetes and had to switch from a midwife to an OBGYN (Obstetrics/Gynecology) specialist. We drove an hour out of the way to get to one we both felt comfortable with. I never had to get insulin or take any strong medication for diabetes because I was able to manage it with an appropriate diet. I made a detailed “chart” containing all relevant medical information from the midwife, and the OB we had before the final one. I believe I was 30 weeks when I switched. Thankfully he accepted me in late term, and it was an easy transition.
In October I was induced to labor because the doctor feared possible complications from diabetes. It was not an easy labor. It was about 30 hours of constant pain. I originally wanted a natural birth but conceded to the epidural because the induced contractions were too much and too frequent.
After my son was born, I was hemorrhaging. The Doctor was awesome and stopped the bleeding. My feet swelled up massively afterward. Thank god it all went well. I got a healthy baby and after a couple of weeks of taking a strong iron supplement I was fine too and went back to work in 3 weeks.
Read more: I’m Lucky I Survived Giving Birth
Breastfeeding was a failure, my son wouldn’t take the breast and I couldn’t pump enough milk for him. The hormones made me so hungry all the time. I quickly gained weight and with that, the back pain came. I wouldn’t tolerate being on my feet for more than 5 to 10 min at a time. My pregnancy weight was 219 and I lost all the baby fat right away but gained it back plus 20 pounds. That made me 242. I had never been fit and I felt then that I was the complete opposite. I was completely dependent on my husband for everything except toileting, bathing, and dressing or grooming myself.
In January 2017 I made a goal and set out to reach it. I lost 80 pounds and gained a whole lot of everything else. My back still hurts but I can do so much more now. There is no limit to how long I can be on my feet. I play with my son at the park, we run, hop and jump together. I can bathe, carry and dress him. I can prepare his meals and rearrange the house by myself. I’m dependent on no one, except my son’s love and happiness.
My pregnancy was a terrible experience for me. Labor was traumatizing and horrible. Motherhood is amazing. We left that travel trailer March 2016 when we bought our current home, and the little one turns 3 in October.