My Life with Chronic Pain

Chronic pain


My problem started when I got hurt doing a team lift with another coworker. I tripped over the resident’s legs and for a month after the incident, I couldn’t stand up all the way.

Last August I ended up having back surgery. The surgery is the thing I regret. Everything was fine for the first month. Then all of a sudden, I started having a burning pain in my right thigh along with numbness. It started out just once in a while.

Read more: I am Dealing with Chronic Pain because of my Broken Back

A year later I was arguing with the doctors because they were not listening to me when I told them that the pain I’m in now is worse than the pain I had before. I suffered daily.

It was getting worse and it started causing me neurological problems. I was getting at least 20 migraines a month. My doctor put me on “Gabapentin” and it had cut them down to maybe 3 migraines a month.

The problem is with my leg. It feels like I’m touching road rash. The top layers of skin are numb which makes it very difficult to scratch if it itches. I feel like something is stuck to my leg 24/7. It hurts constantly.

Read more: A Decade of Using Opiates to Relieve the Pain

Looking for a cure online, I found this thing that sounds exactly like what I have. I showed it to my doctor. My surgeon wants me to get an epidural or nerve stimulator trial. I told my doctor that I would rather run my car into a tree than live this way.

Immediately I felt guilty. I have 4 children and a husband of 9 years that love me very much. I felt selfish for thinking that way. There are many different scenarios run through my head. Like holding up my doctor’s office with my BB gun just to get their attention. Too many different ways to go off on my surgeon. It’s alarming to me that with everything I said to these doctors and none of them put me on a 72-hour hold.

Read more: I’ve Been in Pain My Whole Life

It is clear to me I didn’t mean the things I said. I was reaching out for help and I even called a suicide hotline because of the pain being so bad. I kinda gave up because when I did reach out, nobody was there. I’m tired of working around this, I can’t anymore. Luckily, I just got referred to a pain management doctor and hopefully, he will figure it out for me. I made a new years resolution to get better or to die trying. That’s what I intend to do.

How do you cope with chronic pain? Tell us in the comments!