Is Depression affecting the way you Behave? Share it in the Comments Below!
There were times when I was passive- aggressive in my life. I would have certain periods of episodes of over thinking about my life or memories of friends. There were good memories of us going out to lounges, movies, or just hanging at each other apartments for drinking, playing cards and girl talk.
My downfall of depression is when I take out frustrations or lash out at others. I usually hold my thoughts and feelings due to not feeling needy towards others. I may feel withdrawal or inside my head because of lack of trust. Not only lack of trust but maybe just finding ways to find myself.
Read more: How Depression Ruled My Life
When I am angry, it’s an adrenal rush to my brain and down to my heart. When I feel being taken advantage of I tend to throw things, over drink alcohol, eat, curse people out or have a crying outburst. At times I am impulsive and have a hard time to stay focused to complete tasks on time.
The reason for my outburst is due to fears, frustrations, and traumas in my life. Depression has been a part of me ever since childhood and young adult years. I have been bullied during my childhood years. I use to get beat up by a bunch of girls because I didn’t learn as fast as them and abandonment from their families. I also witnessed my parents go through their up’s and downs.
Eventually, they had to separate and search for other aspirations in life. As a child, I didn’t understand about relationships or breakups. Those times were very difficult and my school grade went up and down. Looking at my childhood explains why I have a difficult time building intimate relationships.
As an African American, I witnessed people around me going through traumas of abandonment, bad relationships death, and police brutality. Sometimes in the environment of New York City could bring depression towards me. There are other stress factors such as not having enough income, paying loans and unemployment could cause disorders. Being that African Americans is well known to deal with depression and other disorders, it can also be a stigma.
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I KNOW FOR MYSELF DEPRESSION IS HARD TO CONFIDE TO ANYONE WITH BUT I AM WILLING TO GET HELP FOR IT.