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On January 4th, 2018, my mother killed herself. She thought that my 2-year old nephew/foster child was going to be removed from my home. She overdosed on painkillers. My mom was my right hand. She was helping me with my own five kids and financially assist with her grandkids needs. When my mom killed herself, I become very sad and bitter. It’s so hard for me to understand why she did it.
I had suicidal thoughts as well after her death. My life has become very hard without family help. With 6 kids it becomes very overwhelming at times. However, knowing that if I am successful with suicide I would be leaving my kids with this same sense of hopeless that my mom left me stops me from doing that. I blame myself for her death because I feel I should have done more. Her death is tormenting my soul.
Read more: A Heart of Hope – Prevention of Suicide
Last week, Tuesday, my 17 years old next-door neighbor threw herself onto train tracks on her way to school and got electrocuted by the 3rd rail. I was terrified to hear this and at the same time, I wished it was me. I don’t smile anymore. I’m always sad. It’s so hard to focus on life. It is not easy for me to fight and life is such a burden for me.