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It is so weird to think that I am sitting here reflecting upon the journey of recovery after surgery. After reading how long it takes to get to the point of surgery, I was very discouraged and thought I was in an uphill battle that I was going to lose. But here I am on the recovery side and very thankful but also mindful of those whose journeys are not like mine.
To all of you, I say do not give up and continue to fight. Continue to advocate for yourself and hold on to the fact that you are more than an ordinary person, you are a warrior, not even that, but your struggles do not have to define you because you are all infinitely more than what you think you deserve or where you belong.
Here is my journey through realizing even more that the journey of recovery has been a bit more than what I thought it would be.
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I remember just like it was yesterday waking up from surgery feeling a huge relief as I have made it through the surgery when before my anxiety about the surgery was through the roof, hoping they found what I believed I had and the relief I felt when I found out my stage of endometriosis. I was hoping for an official diagnosis instead of being put through more tests.
The first few days were a blur, to be honest, and made me realize how dependent recovery can make you. Though it was nice, I just longed to be able to do something on my own. During this time, I was incredibly blessed with people reaching out in ways that touched my soul beyond measure. I was also in the company of my husband who lifted my spirits in ways that he will never know.
Then when he went back to work I realized that recovery would also mean dealing with some emotions that were past the relief of the diagnosis and into the emotions of sadness and hopelessness. I did not expect these emotions as they were like the emotions that I experienced last July but not to the same severity. At this time I really was not present and started just to be stuck in not knowing where this diagnosis is going to take me. I felt it was just adding yet another thing to the list of things that often get in the way of me living a fuller life.
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Failing to realize that the life I lead is to inspire and rise with moments of clarity that I am more than the list of things that is “wrong” with my health. As the week ended I felt a bit more at home which was a relief and encouraged me that I will come out on the other side stronger than before.
Then it was the week of the follow-up and I thought I was prepared to make a decision about treatment, but it turns out when all the options were on the table I was even more lost than before. I did not expect it as I had done my research on each option, but that is how life goes.
We think we know the next steps but sometimes we get a roadblock to help us see things from a different perspective. The wonderful thing about it is that I have a doctor who luckily is giving me the time to evaluate and wants me to make the decision.
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This week though my mind felt thrown for a loop my heart was comforted to know that this journey is going to be one where I learn to put myself first more. Not only that but more specifically to see the worth of self-care.
Now I am realizing pain will come and go but I still deserve to live a life full of wonder and to not let my insecurities or my doubts get in the way. I fully believe that this season of my life will prepare me even more for trials down the road. I just have to be open and willing to experience them in their entirety.
So, at the end of the day know you are not alone and if you feel like you have no one in your corner, know that I am right there with you cheering you on!
