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My motherhood journey started in 2013 when our first little boy was born – the most magical time of our lives. When we spoke about having children, we thought it would be so simple and thought that within a few months we would be on our way to being parents. It turned out that it was not so simple.
Months and months passed, and nothing was happening. Before we knew it, it had been nearly one year from us making that decision. We sought a doctor’s advice but were told to be patient, that we were both young and healthy so there was no reason why this should not happen.
It soon got to the point where it was all I thought about – what if there was something wrong and we wouldn’t be able to have children? How are we going to know? It seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant, but not us.
In the end, it got to the point where I was crying every night, spending silly amounts of money on expensive ovulation kits and just getting obsessional over it. I must have driven my husband (and anyone else around me) absolutely crazy.
Read More: Endometriosis: My invisible Enemy
Little did I know, that by this point I WAS actually pregnant! I randomly took a test one day and had to look twice when the test came back positive, I really could not believe it – and neither could my husband. A handful (or two) of pregnancy tests later and I think it had sunk in, it was the most amazing feeling in the world. On the whole, the pregnancy was OK – the usual morning sickness, etc. but I could deal with that.
I ended up in hospital at around 18 weeks with suspected kidney stones (which never actually got diagnosed), so we do wonder now if this could have been Endo related – we had no idea at the time, and it eventually passed. Our baby was born at 34+5 weeks due to preeclampsia and spent two weeks in the Special care baby unit. He is now 4 years old, and he really has been the most amazing thing that has ever happened to us – I could not imagine life without him, it was all SO worth it.
A few years later we decided it was time for a brother or sister. Now that we knew there was nothing wrong and that we were definitely able to have children, we felt quite confident that it was going to be a breeze.
This time even more months went by, and this time I was experiencing a lot more Endo symptoms (still not known at the time). I was backward and forward to the doctors and sometimes A+E with bouts of pain, I would always mention that we were trying for a second and that this time seemed to be taking just as long (or even longer) than our first.
Read More: My Endometriosis Story
Doctors still didn’t seem to be concerned, even more so this time as we already had one. So, we kept trying, kept ignoring the pain and carried on. It did slowly start to become an obsession again, I was so confident this time and couldn’t understand why it was taking even longer than our first? On Christmas day two years later, I was diagnosed with Endometriosis.
This explained the pains I was experiencing and explained why we were having such difficulty conceiving again. They said that because my ovaries, womb, bowel and other organs were all stuck together, that there was no hope in us being able to conceive like that. I have probably had this from a young age, and it is likely that I had this when I fell pregnant with my first, but not to this extent.
It has been a truly difficult time, not only have I had to deal with the diagnosis of Endometriosis and recover from an awful operation, but I have had to deal with the realization that this could put a stop to us growing the family that we want so much. I have a new doctor now who is referring us for fertility treatments.
I am feeling scared/excited and have NO idea what to expect – In the back of my mind I keep praying that a little miracle will happen before we have to go through this, but if we aren’t lucky enough for it to happen so easily, I hope that we are now heading in the right direction…
I am beyond grateful for being blessed with the most amazing little boy, but we have so much more love to give. Here is to the beginning of a new journey…