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Hi there, my name is Giorgia. I am a young soul from Italy, and this is the second time I have written for this website about my personal experience with an eating disorder.
Since you chose to read my words today, I am pretty sure that lately, you’ve been having some issues, especially with food and mirrors. That’s why it’s really important to me that you realize one thing: if you ever thought for a moment you may have an eating disorder, you most certainly have one.
As I have already said in the previous article, you don’t need a diagnosis and you don’t need to be underweight to qualify as anorexic or bulimic. That’s not about doctors and people’s judgments, it’s about the way you feel about your body and therefore the way you feel about food. Actually, it’s about the way you feel, period. You are the very first one you have to be honest with.
Read more: Anorexia in the Mirror
Today, I want to talk about something that is absolutely crucial to your strength and confidence and that should be always offered anybody in the world. What is it?
Nothing but understanding.
Are you familiar with it?
Yeah, I’m not either.
During your journey through an eating disorder, you may have noticed that you find yourself feeling extra-frustrated at the thought of opening up about your worries and fixations. That happens either because you are afraid of being misunderstood and taken lightly or because you fear to be hampered in your mission to reach an idealistic better-self. In both cases, we would rather be accepted, since it seems like we just can’t appreciate ourselves. But there is no guarantee we’ll get that kind of unconditional acceptance, and so we all hide.
Personally, it took me four years of hiding before I could grow a pair and start explaining my family and my boyfriend what happens in my mind before, during and after a binge, but it’s not easy to get people to understand something that they have never experienced firsthand. They will always give you lectures and suggestions based on their own experience, and that will make you feel lonely sometimes, and disappointed other times. You have to realize that there’s a great beauty to it: they try, and so must you. You have to be brave enough to keep communicating and give yourself a chance.
A chance to express your discomfort and get people to realize that the way you look at yourself in the mirror makes you feel helpless, weak and frustrated, and you deserve to be taken seriously.
A chance to let them know that this issue makes you feel powerless and there are some things you might not be able to compromise on.
A chance to let people get you to understand that you are not powerless at all and there are things you can compromise on.
A chance to share, a chance to grow.
A chance to heal.
Because that’s the only way to heal: being fully open and be loved by others -especially ourselves.
Then you’ll slowly notice, the more you talk, the more you make your issue an object; the more you look at it as an object, the more you’ll learn how to manipulate it even when it’s still there.
Read more: Life is too Short to Count your Fruit Loops
If you are strong enough and you really want it, you’ll end up beating the monster in your head.
Don’t ever forget that everything starts with you. If you feel like you are dealing with an eating disorder, I highly suggest you to start talking to a therapist or a specialist as soon as possible. That’s exactly how I’ve grown my pair.
Meanwhile, I really hope you feel better today, knowing that you are not alone, even when you are quiet, even when you are hiding.
With all my love,