Depression – My Never Ending Journey


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My life with mental illness, self-awareness, confusion, depression, addiction, abusive relationships has been a journey. There are many unhealthy experiences, as well as the great and wonderful ones and all of them gave me a deep understanding of life. You see, the roots of my depression start probably in the womb or when the abuse started in the childhood. My father neglected me, I grew up with drug addicts and alcoholics got pregnant at fifteen and I have been raped. As a result, I started feeling inadequate and performed self-mutilation. Now I am 42 years old and I can say that life is the biggest treasure. Our lives are always changing and are always our reality. No matter if we dream or own our reality, it is always ours.

Life experiences can be beautiful, even with all these things I spoke of. As adults, we have the power, strength and hopefully a strong mind to change our beliefs. What I mean by that is that we can choose how we feel about our abusers, our addictions, and our mental state. My question is: when you are no longer in the harmful situation or state, can you choose how you feel about any given experience? From my personal experience, I say yes.

Read more: Gather the Strength and Keep Fighting

“I admit that not every experience can be explained or accepted, but on my journey, one thing I’ve learned is that E+R= O. Experience + Response (attitude towards it) = Outcome.”

I have learned that no matter what I’ve gone through, how I take it in or how I feel about the experience is ultimately my choice. I can choose to give in to depression or let sadness overwhelm me when I think about my childhood. It could take everything that makes my personality or I can choose to LOVE myself with all my many faults and scars. I know, that no one as a child says, “I want to be a drug addict when I grow up or I want to hurt others to the point that they can’t function.” No one says as a child, “I choose to damage myself so much or others that I need counseling for the rest of my life.” With that being said, my life journey has taught me understanding. Since my experience has taken me down many roads, I understand those that I see have made this road theirs. I can relate, I can sympathize and I can encourage.

Read more: Depression Took Away My Dreams

Perhaps not everyone is quite at this point, but I believe I’ve arrived. That’s the beauty of my journey, I have something that has caused me so much sorrow, grief, anxiety, and all the negative emotions and I have learned that I can help, give and lend all these introspections that have made me who I am today to another person who may not know this road or the way out. For that, I’ll take it. I’ll take my journey. I accept it. This is MINE! The journey has had many twists and turns, but I guess what I’ve learned is that with all the pain comes the choice to forgive. First, I forgive myself for any choices I’ve made with negative results and I forgive others that have done the same. Because I know we are all humans learning and experiencing life. I don’t know what the next person has gone through and what he or she has experienced. I don’t know their feelings. I can’t always have an understanding but I can choose how I feel about it, so dear ones, my journey is all mine. I accept it. At this point, I need to change it and I am slowly doing it. Perhaps, you can do it too.

Did you find a way to accept your journey? Share to show your Support!