11 years of hell

11 years of hell

How did your condition begin and progressed to where it is today? Share to Raise Awareness!

I suffer from Complex PTSD and Severe Anxiety. I am 25, and life has only gotten harder after my diagnosis at 13. I was raped 365 days a year for 11 years. Sounds impossible, but it’s not. As a child growing up, I didn’t know nor understand I was being neglected by my parents, and they couldn’t have been worse humans.

Read more: How My Childhood Got Me PTSD

My stepdad and step-grandfather created my trauma. My surroundings and living situations didn’t help force the trauma. Getting older become a more difficult challenge as my own problems grow to severe anxiety attacks and in reaction to my PTSD, I flip into a complete rampage with a high urge to “leave.” I’m getting the help – I see a therapist and a psychiatrist. I take antidepressants daily for relief. There’s been discussion to raise meds because of my increase in the inability to respond or function as what we’d call normal.

Read more: Reoccurring Trauma Caused Me PTSD

My emotions get taken over by small triggers, like a fly, for example. It takes me back to the flies outside my house when I was a child where the trauma took place. Or if I’m stressed about anything, I cry uncontrollably and shut out. I’m constantly on edge. I feel like my whole life has been a big story of mess. It’s astonishing to people that I seem to be OK on most days since I’ve been through so much. I just reply I’m just surprised I’m alive. I could go further into detail but just leaving an introduction to see how this vent goes. Like my fingers say literally “keep it moving.” Until next time. Thanks for reading.

How did your condition begin and progressed to where it is today? Share to Raise Awareness!

1 COMMENT

  1. Molested and Raped repeatedly as a child and then tormented by a Narcissistic Sociopath most of my adult life…… I have been struggling for years with Doctors giving me many different diagnoses. Depression, Bipolar, etc…. None of the material I researched on any of them described how I was feeling. I’ve been existing in a dark or foggy place for years. Becoming more and more detached and anxious and small… Yes I feel like my existence becomes more and more meaningless and bothersome to the world. I live in VICTIM mode with whoever I spend any time with. I can’t remember what JOY feels like… I stumbled upon an article not long ago about Complex PTSD and I was ELATED!!! That’s me!!! This is how I feel! Or don’t feel! Finally I could see a bit of light flickering in my dark existence!! I’m new to this and really want to finally get better. I was molested and raped countless times over a year period when I was young and I married a Narcissistic Sociopath for 13 years and even though we’ve Been divorced 15 years the torment and control never goes away. I want so badly to learn to deal with this illness once and for all. I want to be free!

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